It's been a rough month for all of us around here, including Luki. We've been trying to come to terms with my dad's death and that's thrown his routine a little bit of of whack. Sometimes he sleeps at home, sometimes at grandma's. Sometimes he gets a bath, sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes he eats solids, other times it's just boob. Add to that the holidays, the barrage of people coming in and out to give their condolences, and his very first cold, and you've got yourself the recipe for a very confused and cranky baby.
But Luki is no quitter. So, despite the hectic schedule, he's managed to teach himself a couple of new tricks. He can now sit unsupported! Except when I try to show off to someone that he can sit unsupported. Then, he always manages to topple over, hit his head, and make me look like a terrible mother who puts her kid in danger for the sake of making a good impression. Must be payback for telling the Internet about his penis.
And for his second antic, he gets on all fours and scoots his body back and forth, as if revving up his engines to zoom into month seven. I hope when he gets there, he finds a little more order, tranquility, and better spirits.
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Hello Ailen,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to tell you that you are on my mind often and in my heart daily. I am so saddened by your loss and cannot help but pray that soon your smile will come back to stay and that your heart will begin to understand what has happened. I truly believe, without having gone through anything similar, that one day your heart will heal and be better for it. I know admitting that I haven't been there puts me at a disadvantage trying to reach out to you, but I keep hearing "messages" around me that I feel God will put out for me to hear again when "it's my turn". Like you, I absolutely ADORE my father. Unlike you, my father's vice is not Starbuck's, and I fear it will take him away soon. He is not as exemplary as yours and most unfortunate is that he does not love the Lord like Ulises did. During your father's service, and after, thoughts of life and death have inundated my head: a) of all the the things I could accomplish in this life, not one matters most than living a life that reflects God, b) my father's funeral will not include anyone who can testify to his love for our God, c) who cares if I never this or that or always this or that if I didn't show God's love to my children and husband? Because the best we can be is God's children, and that alone will carry you on. It will make you, like your father was, a better husband and father and grandfather and friend and brother and ....
Just New Year's Eve, as I drove to a friend's house desperately seeking tamales to eat, I thought of you when I heard this in a song on the radio: "I will lift my eyes to the maker of the mountains I can't climb, I will lift my eyes to the caller of the ocean's raging waters, I will lift my eyes to the healer of the hurt I hold inside, I will lift me eyes ... lift my eyes ... to You."