Saturday, November 14, 2009

Solid food is no joke

Was it really a mere four months ago that I wrote on this here blog, "there was human feces on my finger, and I remained unfazed"?


Did I also write, "shit has gone from being the most disgusting thing ever to eliciting laughter"?

Oh, how naive I was.

Because I can think of many adjectives to describe the contents of Luki's diaper two days ago - some of which would prompt my mother to wash my mouth with soap - but funny is certainly not one of them.

Warning! I am about to give a graphic and detailed description of my child's bowel movements. Not recommended for those who are pregnant, over 65, or in the middle of eating lunch. Proceed at your own risk.

For the first four months of his life, Luki was exclusively breastfed. That means that, although his poops were very frequent and shot out of his butt like missiles, they were not offensive in odor. The stuff looked like mustard mixed with cottage cheese and sort of smelled like yogurt... a certificate in handling radioactive material was not required in order to change his diaper.

Then, our son more than doubled his birth weight and grew to the 90th percentile in height (that's right, my kid has an A- in being tall!), so our pediatrician deemed him ready for solid food.

Excited about introducing him to something new, Ton Ton and I went to the store right away to buy rice cereal. We fed it to him with a spoon and he got the hang of it right away. Great Success! Right?


He ate the cereal a couple more times, but it made him constipated and he didn't poop for three days. When his intestines finally cooperated, the substance I encountered was so foul, so offensive, so repugnant, that I had to do a double take of Luki's face to make sure he hadn't morphed into a prehistoric creature that feeds off of animal carcasses and sewer water.

As I held my breath and cleaned excrement from my son's bottom, thighs, and back, all I kept thinking to myself was, "if this is what a few tablespoons of rice cereal smell and look like, what's gonna happen when he has his first bowl of beans?"

I am traumatized, as a matter of fact, I think I now have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and going through a similar experience again could seriously implicate my mental health. Fortunately, Ton Ton has agreed* to handle all poopy diapers from now on!

*By agreed, I mean I'm going to talk ad nauseam about the forty-five pounds I put on, the twelve hours of labor, and the stitches I had to endure in my vagina so that he can play with his son, until he marches over to the changing table.

P.S. The good thing about solid food? Luki's farts are now smelly, and I am totally blaming it on him next time I let one rip!

1 comment:

  1. This is an excellent story, Ailen. One I'll be sure to remember in the spring! Un abrazo. Rogelio